I have a job interview tomorrow!! Eeek!! I'm not nervous, but I will be. About 5 minutes before, I'll feel sick, my hands will tremble and I'll have to talk myself out of a panic attack. This happens. It sucks. That's the only way to explain it. Every interview I've ever had, the first day of my first uni classes, the day before I started my CELTA course last November, every new job I've ever had. I make myself so wound up and freaked out and then I do fine. Even knowing this does me no good. I give good interview, despite my shyness (I can't speak to people I don't know right away), I get along with people.
Maybe it's the many drama classes (if you can't do it, fake it!) or the fact that I've been in this situation before, or that once I start talking sometimes getting me to stop is quite hard! I'm better in person than on paper, it's why I hate writing personal statements on application forms. I sound like some sort of automaton or just really odd, in person I'm much nicer, honest! More human, warmer, occasionally funny, people take to me. I've never quite worked out why. In my head I'm a neurotic mess, constantly failing to seize the moment, unable to make a decision (I could procrastinate for England), and too busy daydreaming to actually do anything. Somehow, when I have to, I suck it up and get on with it.
So here goes. This isn't a job I want to do, but it's a job, where I will get paid, not another voluntary job, and I can keep looking for the job that fits while I do this. If I spend much longer trapped in my parents' house alone all day I will actually lose it completely!
In other news. I got my hair cut. It looks exactly the same, just with no split ends. I am on a never-ending quest to find a haircut that suits me and my deranged hair which has a life of its own. It's fluffy and fly-away at the front, long and heavy all over and if it gets too short, grows sideways. I often wake up with it stuck at odd angles. I brush it before I sleep, unless I'm performing some sort of acrobatics asleep, it really shouldn't look like it does. At least it's tidy, and washed. I guess it's an ok colour (I'm a blonde), but it drives me nuts. It's probably the girliest thing about me, (apart from my shoe fixation or the fact I could open a branch of Boots in my room) I live in jeans and t-shirts, I'm not that keen on skirts and dresses, but somedays I wish I could just make it behave!