Tomorrow we end this year

2011 has been a bit hit and miss for me. I lost a job, spent a few months broke and struggling with money worries, got another job, finished my Masters degree (a letter confirming I had achieved it came the other day), celebrated a year with The Boy, failed to leave the country yet again, realised a few things about my life and the people in it, read a lot of books (some good, some not so), ate too much, didn't lose the weight I wanted to, saw a bunch of films, spent a lot of money, and made a wishlist for next year.

2012 Wishlist

1. A holiday, somewhere nice and interesting in another country.
2. A new job that I genuinely enjoy rather than just about tolerate.
3. Making enough money to afford to move out. Living at home at 25 is getting old.
4. Another happy year with The Boy.
5. Some adventures, whether big or small.
6. Working out what it is I really want to do with my life.
7. That my health is ok, both physical and mental.
8. That my grandparents are still with us this time next year, we are not ready to lose them.
9. That I finally put my degrees and all that hard work to use.
10. That my friends and family stay well and are happy.

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

With love.

Why I'm not a Christmas person

Last week I realised I am meant to be a house cat, I don't like to be cold or wet, I like sleeping, can sleep almost anywhere and enjoy being spoiled. What I am not meant to be is someone who gets up before the sun, treks across the city in the cold, spends all day stuck behind a desk and then traipses back across town in the cold, wet dark home.
Added to that is the stress-fest that is Christmas. Since I was about 17 I have been responsible for buying the family Christmas presents (including my own), I also have to wrap them and keep them til the 24th when they go downstairs to wait for morning. There are no children in this house, 4 adults live here. Christmas is not a magical, wonderful time. We eat food, watch tv and argue. This year it's become fiendishly complex.
I finish work on Thursday for 11 days. On the 23rd I'm going with my mother and sister to see my grandparents and have lunch with them. Then I have to jump on a train into town (they live out in the countryside) for my work Christmas meal. Christmas Eve does not equal a rest, not yet, my mum and I have to go and do some food shopping, then finish sorting out presents and wrapping paper, finally I have to whizz round to the pub to meet my friends for a few drinks before Midnight Mass. Which finishes at about 1.30am.
Christmas Day will be spent with my parents, sister and The Boy. Boxing Day may pass in the same way, plus my cousin. My mum's got out of cooking on the 25th again this year, and we will be dining in a restaurant nearby, the 26th will be a buffet lunch of cold meats, cheeses, salad and other bits and bobs.
Then we have to hare off to The Boy's grandparents to celebrate with them and his dad, then a bit further afield to his mum and stepdad's for Christmas Dinner part 4(5?? Who knows!) Before returning to London in time for my aunt and uncle to visit us on the 29th (still with me?). Finally I'll be having dinner and catching a movie with my lovely friend Ben on the 30th, before squeezing in lunch with The Boy and my grandparents on New Year's Eve and collapsing in a heap.
I haven't even made plans for NYE, I'm just too exhausted by the planning.
I reckon I'll need a holiday to recover from my supposed holiday.
Well, there's still presents to be wrapped and bits and pieces to be organised. See you all on the other side!!

This is what I want when I look back on my life.

"everyone much older than me keeps telling me that time seems to start flying at an unimaginable speed when you get older.
my friends and their friends are getting sick and dying. it only serves to draw me closer to each moment, to enjoying each coffee, to sipping my wine with more fervor….
i feel like i don’t want to waste a single second of this precious time on earth on the wrong things, the wrong energy, the wrong people.
it’s like i’m gaining an allergy to negativity and anger in other people that’s actually serving me beautifully. i don’t fight back. i say less. i listen more.
i try to see the pain behind people. it makes it possible to love everybody all the more when you know that everybody is striving to be happy, striving to be peaceful, and trying to bulldoze everything in the way in order to get there.

there are no wrong choices….but i feel a stronger and stronger pulls towards the light, and away from the darkness." -Amanda Palmer

Getting the nightmarish stuff out of the way early.

I hate Christmas shopping, I loathe and despise it. Unfortunately I love giving gifts, I find that making people smile by getting them something they'll love makes me happy. Which causes a problem. Currently there is a huge pile of stuff in the middle of my room, none of it is really for me. Mostly it's for other people. Now I have to wrap all the stuff up. Which is where my loathing of wrapping paper comes in. Last year I went for gift bags and glittery stuff to layer over things. I may combine wrapping the occasional thing with gift bags this year to make it slightly less stressful. Just buying everything now, and not the week before Christmas does ease some of the tension I usually feel around this time of year. But if I'm honest, I'm just not a Christmassy person. The whole season seems intended to cause so much stress and irritation.
I think I'll be avoiding shopping centres and overly festive people for a bit.