Saturday, 19 February 2011

Things that are rubbish no. 135: Growing up.

I am having a really bad weekend. Well a really bad since Thursday. My depression is rearing its ugly head and making me feel really sad and blue. I want to see The Boy, but he's not back til Monday and I have work and uni and probably won't see him til next weekend, which right now feels like years away.
I promised not to be the clingy girlfriend, but when you're depressed and hormonal (never a winning combination) it's really hard not to want a hug from someone who says you're beautiful when you're not wearing any make up and who says they want to be your light in dark places. So, Sweden, can I have my boyfriend back???
I'm proud of him (if you're reading this, I really am) but a tiny part of me is scared I might lose him to this sport, I don't want to be a hockey widow. I don't get to see him as often as I would like, and now he's saying he's going to commit fully to staying on Team GB, gym everyday, training once a week, healthy eating, less coffee. It feels like it's also going to be less me. Which is selfish and probably irrational. But right now I can't help it.
I'm a bundle of stress as it is, my contract's up in May and so far I haven't really worked out where to go from there. My degree is ending around the same time, leaving only the dissertation due in August, I sort of have a topic, but beyond that not a whole lot. I want to get my other essays and reading assignments done first, so I have space in my brain to think. I've decided against going to a music festival with my friends this summer, the dissertation is due in not long after and as the job situation is up in the air, I can't really afford it. This sucks, but that's life. I think I'm over being a grown up, it's just making me feel worse.

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