Thursday 14 July 2011

Depths of despair

Things have taken a turn for the worst. This time last year was pretty dark and depressing, I really don't need another summer spent miserable and struggling. Things seemed to be on the up, I started my Masters, met The Boy, got a new job. Now it's all a little gloomy. The job ended, I can't seem to get started on the dissertation and I worry that we spend too much time bickering and stressing about money to be happy together.
I have no money. I only have a roof over my head because my parents are letting me live here, at 24 it's a little pathetic, but I have nowhere else to go. I have no job, and I keep applying for things and getting nowhere. In a way even an out and out rejection would be better than keeping on sending things out into the ether and hearing nothing. It's really getting me down.
The dissertation is slowly driving me insane. I can't seem to get anything written. I have no drive to get it done. 15000 words due in just over a month and I have nothing. It's like my brain packed up and left.
The Boy and I have been together for almost a year. It's been wonderful and I'm completely in love with him, but it doesn't  mean we don't have problems. We both have financial worries, uni stress, work concerns. He tells me I can come to him with my problems, but I don't want to burden him with my worries and stresses when he has his own. So he worries more, that I'm not telling him things because I don't trust him or something. He can tell I'm upset by all this stuff, but I keep telling him it isn't a problem when clearly things are.
I could do with some guidance. And a job. A job would really help right now.

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