A Song of Ice and Fire - George R.R. Martin

I could have called this; Does George R.R. Martin have a problem with women?
I've just finished reading the first two books in the above series, the basis for the TV series A Game of Thrones, which is also the title of the first book. I haven't seen the show, but if it's as rape-filled as the book then I don't know if I want to.
Now I'm not an idiot and I know from history that one of the nastier side effects of war and conquest is rape. Men don't just steal everything worth taking and burn the place down, they have to take out their rage or whatever on the women. I've never really understood why. Rape is not about sex, it is about power and control. But in the first book, it is rife. And so unnecessary, mention it if you must, but is it really so vital to the plot that it needs to be taking place on every other page? I really don't think so.
By the second book, A Clash of Kings, the female characters are faring a little better, there's still a lot of sex, and quite a few rape scenes, which are treated incredibly casually, but the women who have been given names and a role in the complex plot are getting by.
I was talking to The Boy about this concern of mine, and he said he had read somewhere that Martin couldn't write women and suggested that maybe that's why they're so poorly served. Personally I think he just has a real issue with them/us.
I remember writing an essay on whether 'Hamlet' was a misogynist or Shakespeare was. I think I concluded that while the play mistreated it's few female characters badly, it was partly a product of it's time and also not the best evidence as to the writer's own feelings as there were only two women in the play.
Martin can't really use that as an excuse, the first book was published in 1996, not the 16th Century and there are quite a few women roaming his pages. Yes some of them are pretty vile, like Queen Cersei, but others are more sympathetic, Lady Catelyn, her daughters Sansa and Arya for example, but the sheer volume of violence done to women is just unnecessary.
I read a lot of fantasy fiction, and am aware that for a long time it was pretty much a boy's own club, women writers have had to fight to get a foot in the fantasy door, but this kind of misogyny is completely out of place nowadays. Writers with these sorts of views seem to have largely died out, and there are enough feisty heroines around to make it a place for female readers too.
I also know that Martin's setting, another world during a period much like our own feudal one, means that some things that seem anathema to us now, the marrying off of young girls in order to form alliances, the forced marriage of women left widowed and in possession of large amounts of land and wealth, the keeping of whores and brothels by wealthy men, are not something perhaps to be too angry with, as it's set in a time where women are chattels and their only uses are as wives and mothers to heirs or else prostitutes and servants if they are not nobility.
However, I do hope that Martin's later books in the series (which I have yet to read) lessen the systematic violence inflicted upon the women in his world, or he risks alienating female readers (and viewers of the TV adaptation) from all his books.

Cheesy movies

Sometimes I watch French films with subtitles, or Japanese films. Sometimes I watch black and white screwball comedies, sometimes I watch serious, heavy hitting films. But sometimes I watch really cheesy movies. Like today, I spent most of it tidying my room and sorting out various bits of junk and doing laundry (thrilling stuff I know). Then I decided, right, time for a cheesy film. Something I don't have to think to watch, because occasionally I don't want to use my brain. It gets tiring. So I picked 'Valentine's Day' which is one of those purpose constructed multi-story films that seem to get made every now and then. It's deeply soppy, and unashamedly designed to make you gooey. It did the trick, I switched off my brain for a while, relaxed and let the cheese watch over me. I recommend it as a technique for anyone who needs to do nothing for a bit.

The 'How We Met' story

Whenever I get asked how I met The Boy, this is the story I tell.

I had been offered a new job, working for a charity, which required I attend 5 days of training before I started. He was a volunteer with the charity, also doing the training. I thought he was good looking, but also decided he seemed like the type to have a girlfriend. He didn't as it happened. We became friends, there were 3 of us, The Boy, me and a smiley American girl, whom I thought he fancied. He didn't, though I didn't know that until the training had ended.
We got the bus home together that last evening. He asked if I wanted to come to the supermarket with him. I said ok, it was the sort of thing I'd do with any of my friends. He then invited me back to hang out at his place. (I have to point out here that most of my friends, regardless of sexual preference, are male, I spend a lot of time hanging out in guys' houses and flats.) I said sure, why not. I wasn't in any particular hurry.
We ordered pizza, and watched TV and hung out. Then he hugged me, he tells me now it was because I looked sad. Then he kissed me. This is, apparently,  because I seemed disappointed that the hug was all I'd got (Remember I thought he fancied our American friend). We kissed for a while. I walked home with a huge smile on my face.
We had coffee a few days later and have been driving each other nuts ever since. I love him. He makes me furious sometimes, he also makes me ridiculously happy. Luckily he loves me too.
(Sorry if this is a bit mushy. It's Valentine's Day tomorrow and while I reject the commercialised nature of it all, I also like making people laugh at how dense I was when we met.)

A night at the theatre

One of my favourite small theatres is the Lyric, in Hammersmith, South West London. It's quite an intimate venue, at several plays I've sat two or three rows from the front. Last week I took The Boy there for the first time. Normally I book my tickets on their website, but with The Boy's wheelchair I needed to book over the phone. The service was excellent, booked in five minutes, and an email sent straight after to confirm.
The tickets were held for us at the box office, and the theatre is fully accessible with lifts to every floor. We were escorted to our seats by the manager, who made sure we were settled before disappearing to do work elsewhere. We were the furthest back I have ever sat in the stalls, but still had a good view of the stage.
We were there to see Lovesong, written by playwright and screen writer Abi Morgan (The Hour, Iron Lady, Shame etc). It was beautifully staged, written and performed by a cast of four. If it's on somewhere near you at any point, go and see it. The play told the story of a couple's relationship as they reached their sad end, with the other actors playing their younger selves, seen almost as ghosts at times by the older couple. The projections on the back wall helped tie things together, and the dance sections were incredibly moving.
I admit I was moved to tears by the tenderness and love the actors portrayed. The idea of being loved so much for so long is really lovely, and something I want for myself. *Confession: I cry easily, and am not really allowed to watch sad things as they often affect me*.
After the play ended, with no interval it was still quite early, we were escorted down in the lift and to the exit by an usher, making it feel very personable and friendly.
We made our way home, discussing the play and the previous shows I have seen there.
Next on their programme is A Midsummer Night's Dream, and we will be booking tickets for it very soon!

Emerging from enforced hibernation

I have spent all week suffering from what I'm calling the lurgy of death, so called because it makes you feel so ghastly. I have barely slept and haven't been to work. This means I have spent all week in my house, have cabin fever and am slowly losing my mind. However, I have attempted to tidy my room a bit, spent some time with my sister (who usually avoids me) and watched too much shitty daytime TV.
I've also made plans to see a few friends and catch up with them. I feel a bit like I've been neglecting them, I spend most of my free time with The Boy, and I miss my weird, funny, strange friends. So I've put it out there (on Facebook) that if anyone wants to get together, I'm up for that. Obviously I have to go to work, but outside of those very dull hours, I'm free to hang out with those people who mean so much to me and without whom I'd probably be really, really weird, instead of just a bit. :)

Some of the best books I read in 2011

I realised earlier that I hadn't done any sort of round up of books from last year. So here is a belated list of 10 books I read last year that were really good and enjoyable.

*When God Was a Rabbit - Sarah Winman
*The Gallow's Curse - Karen Maitland
*Snuff - Terry Pratchett
*Island Beneath The Sea - Isabel Allende
*Mastiff - Tamora Pierce
*The Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
*How To Be a Woman - Caitlin Moran
*Any Human Heart - William Boyd
*Auntie Mame - Patrick Dennis
*The Crimson Petal and the White - Michael Faber

Not all of these books were published in 2011, but I don't think that should stop them from being on this list. A few I only read after seeing adaptations of them, some I had been waiting to get my hands on for a while, and a couple I just picked up as they had interesting titles or a bit of hype about them.
I'm looking forward to seeing what new reading experiences 2012 has in store for me!

Censorship

As I live in the UK, the SOPA and PIPA legislation seems not to affect me, but if whole websites are forced to shut down, it affects everyone.
I appreciate the need to protect copyright and support artists, writers, musicians and others whose work has been pirated and therefore had their livelihoods damaged. However from what I understand, these new laws would go above and beyond this protection.
I rarely watch TV online, and then usually through legal methods, like the BBC iPlayer and 4oD, and I tend to download music legitimally too. But I know people who stream content regularly. That's their business.
Personally I find any form of censorship galling. This is censorship by another name. It would allow a government to decide what was allowed and what wasn't, much in the way we deride other countries' governments for doing so, for regulating what their citizens can and can't access.
My field is in books, that is what I know best. There is a lot of concern about censorship in the literary world; the American Library Association every year publishes a list of the most banned books. Often these are books written for children and young adults.
Instead of letting these readers discover the worlds contained within books, adults decide what is and isn't appropriate and get rid of those they deem harmful. Whenever I think of this I am reminded of Heinrich Heine's quote "There, where one burns books, one in the end burns men". The idea of legislating against a book, or a website, simply because it offends your sensibilities to be unable to control it, is petty and wrong. This kind of policing has no place in our modern world. People are intelligent enough to work out what is right and wrong for themselves. They know what is and isn't acceptable. Stealing from others is wrong, we know this, and while people continue to do so, I'm going to suggest that they're probably the minority.
So, US government, behave like adults should and let people make decisions for themselves. Don't decide to police the internet. It doesn't need your interference.