Getting Political

Here in the UK, we're gearing up for the General Election next month where we get the dubious honour of trying to work out which pack of liars we loathe the least to run our country (can you tell I have no faith in our politicians?). There has been plenty going on in this country over the last year that sapped all the belief in the political process I used to have. From the expenses scandal to the Government's inability to stem the flow of chaos resulting from the banking crisis (bankers are still making a fortune in bonuses and there are millions unemployed, what the f?). Basically I'm fed up.
Labour has been in power for the last 13 years and from where I'm sitting, not much has improved. What has personally affected me has been being a member of the most over-tested generation of school children ever, university tuition fees resulting in a mountain of student loan debt I don't anticipate paying off any time soon, and the loss of my job due to the recession. None of those things have been within my power to stop. But they were within the Government's.
I consider myself a politicised person, I believe strongly in democracy, the importance of voting, the role of government to do it's best to run this country, and in fairness. I stayed up all night watching Obama be elected President over the pond, online, desperate to see America change things for the better. Now it's our turn. Unfortunately we don't have Barack, or even a Hillary, instead we have Gordon 'same old, same old' Brown, David 'shiny faced' Cameron or at an outside chance Nick 'the alternative' Clegg.
I watched part of the first ever leadership debate on tv the other night (elections have been around for ages, as has tv, it's taken a while to combine the two). I didn't watch the whole thing because after a while of listening to Brown and Cameron exchange lies, I could feel my blood pressure rise and I was shouting at the tv (poor thing, it's not it's fault), so I turned over and watched Outnumbered (which is hysterical and brilliant, watch it on BBC iplayer) so I could calm down. But what I did see incensed me a lot. Brown has been PM for several years now, Labour has been in power over a decade and the reforms he kept talking about, have never been implemented, the only thing Cameron said that I agreed with was that. They've had plenty of time to reform the House of Commons and the House of Lords, to change things, and they just haven't.
Now I don't like the Conservatives, I don't like their policies, or their ridiculously privileged shadow cabinet, and their absurdly shiny faced leader, he has a face I just want to smack. When he talks I hear "blah, blah, blah, tax the poor, blah, blah, duck houses, blah blah" etc. I don't think I would personally benefit from having them in power.
I did like how Nick Clegg, Liberal Democrat leader, came across. He's been presented as the dark horse of the election, and he was quite funny in the debate. But is funny a good reason to vote for him? His party has positioned itself as the only real alternative to the two parties who, as he said, have been playing pass the parcel with the government for many years. But I'm just not sure who to vote for. There are two more debates to go, and I hope someone raises the issue of higher education funding (it's very important for me!) in one of them. At this rate, I'm going to the polls on May 6th just as confused as I am now. Oh dear!!

Personal Statement Dread

What do you put on a personal statement? This is my current preoccupation. I'm getting my act together and filling out my Masters application, and I've got to the dreaded personal statement section. I have no idea what to write. Apart from "I never know what to write here. Please, please, please give me a place on this course." Do you think that'd do?
It's not just academic forms that require one, most of the job applications I've filled out while on my quest to find gainful employment insist on one too. I worry about how I come across. Me in real life, and me on an application form are so completely different. Real Me is slightly manic, talks a mile a minute, is outgoing and fun (I think!). Application form Me is a bit flat, struggles to describe herself and definitely doesn't seem to be saying Employee of the Year material right here folks!! Which is of course, exactly what I'm trying to get across. I just wish that someone would get my CV or application form (all 3 million pages of it!) and ring me up to either interview me there and then or to make an appointment to actually meet me and speak to me before dismissing the form I spent ages sweating over.
So, now all I have to do is work out what to say this time round. The course is at my old uni, and the convening tutor told me not to worry too much about the personal statement, but I do. I want to write something that expresses why this course is important to me, what Roehampton (the uni) means to me and why they need to give me a place ASAP, all without sounding a bit pathetic and weird. Well, weird is a word I hear a lot in conjunction with myself so I might let that slide. But I definitely don't want to sound pathetic. Argh!!! I hate all these stupid forms.

Blah, blah, blah

The previous 2 posts have been sitting in my post list for a while. I wrote them when I was feeling pretty rubbish. I don't really know why I'm sharing them now when I clearly didn't feeling like sharing when I first wrote them. I think sometimes I have this compulsion to overshare, to pour out all the things I'm thinking and feeling even if no one wants to hear. I do this verbally all the time. To my friends, my mother, and now random cyberspace strangers. I probably need help.

All the things I'm thinking

I want to grow, mature
To write
Just what is art anyway?
I wish I could remember the poem I composed somewhere between waking and sleeping
Sonambulent state
Rain stains the glass
Voices in my head
Dreaming of poetry
Regurgitating words
A burst of glory
Or a scrawl of shit
The Greatest
Trying to roar what's inside
Pull it out, gasping for air
Stepping on syntax
Caught somewhere
Neither dream or real life
And what is it you want to do with yours?
Feeling stuck in the rut at 23
Where is this going?
Best Years of my life
Right (note the sarcasm)
Searching for answers
Signs, a map to wherever it is I'm meant to be headed -
this state of gracelessness
Almost a grief.

Untitled

Sometimes it feels as if I'm surrounded by Death,
A little further up and farther out,
Higher than the angels
But sullied by grief
Beset with thoughts of this and that
Trapped behind darkening glass
Held within a devil's grip
Filled with life
And yet remaining static
Trembling on the edge of joy
Maddened by the onset of darkness
Seeking a glimmer of light
Somewhere on the other side of sky

Shouldn't this be everyone's....

Picture via Postsecret

Absence explanation

There's been some stuff going on with me recently that I've needed to process away from this blog, or even writing down what's been going on. I've been thinking a lot about my friendships and the way things that have happened have made me feel. Re-evaluating my relationships with the people I care about has not made me feel particularly cheerful about things, I really hate this feeling, when it's time to call it a day on something that was important. The end of any relationship sucks, and sometimes friendships are harder to end than romantic entanglements. I've decided to call time on one friendship in particular. I've been making all the effort to keep in touch and arrange get togethers etc and I'm done. It's not fair and I don't need a friend who behaves like that. I don't like feeling like this, and I don't like losing a friend, but I don't know what else to do.